mercurygirl Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 I almost don't want to post this at all.... I'm sorry to kill the mood here.... But truth is, I'm frightened.... My gran has developed some lung condition where tissue fibres grow over her lungs. The more it grows the harder it is for her to breathe. She can have an operation to remove it but the doctors said that she would probably die on the operating table because she's just too old to cope with it. She's just come out of hospital, where she's been for a week and a half and we've just got her home, but she has to have an oxygen pack and a nebuliser (almost like an athsma pump) to help her breathe. My mum and aunt are looking after her, but I can see the stress they're under. My mum keeps losing her temper over the tiniest things and my aunt has become very quiet. But nobody's really telling me anything and I don't really understand what's going on, but at the same time I don't want to ask, because I don't want to start crying. My gran hardly stops crying at all... she's so paranoid about everything and thinks my mum is abandoning her all the time and keeps phoning my mum at work and crying over the phone to her..... One day, when my mum had just come back from visiting my gran in hospital I had been sneezing and my eyes were watering and my mum looked at me and said "Now why are you crying?" That pretty much said it all.... my mum can't cope with 2 crying people all at once.... So I just avoid any conversations where people ask about my gran or anything. I hate it when people bring up the topic or when my mum and aunt start discussing it. I've heard the story about her condition so many times and I don't want to hear it ever again..... I just... well I don't know what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mika Freaka =) Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 I almost don't want to post this at all.... I'm sorry to kill the mood here.... But truth is, I'm frightened.... My gran has developed some lung condition where fissue fibres grow over her lungs. The more it grows the harder it is for her to breathe. She can have an operation to remove it but the doctors said that she would probably die on the operating table because she's just too old to cope with it. She's just come out of hospital, where she's been for a week and a half and we've just got her home, but she has to have an oxygen pack and a nebuliser (almost like an athsma pump) to help her breathe. My mum and aunt are looking after her, but I can see the stress they're under. My mum keeps losing her temper over the tiniest things and my aunt has become very quiet. But nobody's really telling me anything and I don't really understand what's going on, but at the same time I don't want to ask, because I don't want to start crying. My gran hardly stops crying at all... she's so paranoid about everything and thinks my mum is abandoning her all the time and keeps phoning my mum at work and crying over the phone to her..... One day, when my mum had just come back from visiting my gran in hospital I had been sneezing and my eyes were watering and my mum looked at me and said "Now why are you crying?" That pretty much said it all.... my mum can't cope with 2 crying people all at once.... So I just avoid any conversations where people ask about my gran or anything. I hate it when people bring up the topic or when my mum and aunt start discussing it. I've heard the story about her condition so many times and I don't want to hear it ever again..... I just... well I don't know what to do. o my word, thats terrible sweety... maybe you should cry alone and try to be strong for your mother as hard as it is. and try and spend some time with your gran... iv never been in that situation so i dont really know how to help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nico_collard Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 I almost don't want to post this at all.... I'm sorry to kill the mood here.... But truth is, I'm frightened.... My gran has developed some lung condition where fissue fibres grow over her lungs. The more it grows the harder it is for her to breathe. She can have an operation to remove it but the doctors said that she would probably die on the operating table because she's just too old to cope with it. She's just come out of hospital, where she's been for a week and a half and we've just got her home, but she has to have an oxygen pack and a nebuliser (almost like an athsma pump) to help her breathe. My mum and aunt are looking after her, but I can see the stress they're under. My mum keeps losing her temper over the tiniest things and my aunt has become very quiet. But nobody's really telling me anything and I don't really understand what's going on, but at the same time I don't want to ask, because I don't want to start crying. My gran hardly stops crying at all... she's so paranoid about everything and thinks my mum is abandoning her all the time and keeps phoning my mum at work and crying over the phone to her..... One day, when my mum had just come back from visiting my gran in hospital I had been sneezing and my eyes were watering and my mum looked at me and said "Now why are you crying?" That pretty much said it all.... my mum can't cope with 2 crying people all at once.... So I just avoid any conversations where people ask about my gran or anything. I hate it when people bring up the topic or when my mum and aunt start discussing it. I've heard the story about her condition so many times and I don't want to hear it ever again..... I just... well I don't know what to do. *hugs* You poor thing... I sort of know what you're going through... my grandmother died of cancer about 6 years ago, and a few weeks before she died, she stayed with us. I guess your mother feels like she has to be strong for your grandmother, and is holding her emotions inside. If she feels the need to talk, she'll open up. I suggest you spend as much time with your grandmother as possible. Trust me, I'm glad I was there and spent time with mine, because it's something you never get back. If you want to talk, feel free to PM me.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babspanky Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Oh, I'm sorry sweetheart. First, don't ever worry about spoiling the mood in here - we're not only here for Mika! Secondly, I agree with nico, everyone is under strain. No-one ever wants to lose a loved one, yet it is the most natural thing in the world. Your mum and aunt are both under strain, as you say, and just because they are older, it doesn't mean they can handle it any better than you can. It's hard when the people you rely on for strength and support, need that themselves, isn't it? Sit with your gran if you can, hold her hand, it's a time to try to make it easy for her, no matter how hard it is for you. And as nico says, you won't regret it later. Try to go with the flow, smile and laugh if you feel like it, cry too, it's a hard time for everyone. Don't take any rebuke from your mum too seriously, she must be in bits too. Come and tell us how you are feeling if you can't talk to anyone at home. bab xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nico_collard Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Absolutely... don't keep it inside.. it honestly does more harm than good... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzy Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 I'm sorry mercurygirl...this is a very tough time for everyone. Crying is good (even if you have to do it alone). Cry. Then spend lots of time with her when you can. And then, if it helps to keep her mind off things, once in awhile, watch a funny show on tv, paint her nails, look at funny family photos. Grandmothers are very special. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nico_collard Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 *nods* Very true.. I'm very lucky, I still have 2 grandparents... the younger ones died a few years back, and until August last year I still had a great grandmother... Spend lots of time with her, but if she's tired or wants to be left alone, respect that too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mercurygirl Posted February 9, 2008 Author Share Posted February 9, 2008 Thankyou to everyone who's replied. I really appreciate all your kind words and advice and help and stuff. I honestly don't know what I'd do without all of you to turn to when I needed comfort..... Thankyou all so so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnaMariaPetra Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Oh, this is very sad. Always sorry to hear such depressing news. Crying is not wrong, doesn't make you weak. So if you want to cry: cry. Wishing you strenght and sending love:wub2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xBillyBrownx Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Aww i'm so sorry! You have to remain strong.. I've been through a similar situation before.. I know it's very hard but you have to be patient with your mum and try to help her as much as possible.. You could also try to help your grand mother and take care of her while your mum is away.. this would take some of the stress off your mum because it would mean less calls from your grandma crying.. also try to talk to your grandma and make her feel better..if there are any other family member which you can refer to for help you should also do so.. but the key is to stay in contact with everyone because they'll provide you with support and comfort and vice versa.. and try not to start up any fights or such.. goodluck with everything! ps. keep listening to Mika, that makes us all feel better and should do the same to you too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Sky Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Sending hugs It is such a hard time for you all. Nobody wants to say goodbye, of course, but in one sense it is a time you can treasure, if it was sudden you wouldn't have that chance. Talk to your gran about things she did when she was your age, see if she will look at old pictures with you, maybe make some videos or recordings of her voice. If you talk about it together, how special she is and how you want to always remember her as special, she might be more willing to do that with you. And MFC is a warm and wonderful place, people here to listen 24/7. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mika4Life13 Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 OMG, I m so sorry mercurygirl!! My grandma died when I was 7 and it was horrible. But eventually you learn to thnk she is in a better place, i began to realize how muc pain she was in when she wson earth, she suffered everyda, to know she was in heaven watching over me is almost a comforting thought. I hope I helped, Alexandra. :huglove: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkunicorn123 Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Im really sorry to hear this. My uncle died today, so i can understand exactly what you are going through. Do you know the name of the condition she has? If you do, it might help to look it up on the internet, there can be some explanations there which can really help you understand what is happening, and why she is feeling the way she is. When a friend of mine died of cancer last year, in the run up to it i looked up the exact details of his condition and it helped me feel more a part of what was happening instead of someone just stood on the outside watching things take place. As for your family, grief affects everyone differently, you should know that they arent upset or shouting because of you, or anything that you have done. When people are grieving, thoughts and emotions are often heightened and sometimes we are unsure how to be helpful because we do not know what to say or do. Looking after someone who is ill is exhausting work. The primary and most important thing to do is to show that you care by being present and by listening and supporting where ever you can - this will mean alot, even if they do not show it. A lot of towns and cities offer bereavement services to help you deal with you feelings. It seems that everone else is going through the same emotional rollercoaster as you are, and therefore unable to help you through them. In times like these, outside services can really help, because they can look after you as a person, they cant stop what is going to happen happening, but they can help you get through it in a more constructive and possitive way. I know it is tough, but you can get through it - trust me. Come and PM me any time you like, im not hard to find, and i am always here if you want someone to talk to Good Luck, and best wishes. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xBillyBrownx Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Im really sorry to hear this.My uncle died today x I'm very sorry! Hope you're okay.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mandilambi Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 Oh, dear....I am so sorry to hear this news. My grandmother past away just this last Monday...so I can understand you. I hope you are able to find comfort and your family can cling together in this hard time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mercurygirl Posted February 10, 2008 Author Share Posted February 10, 2008 Im really sorry to hear this.My uncle died today, so i can understand exactly what you are going through. Do you know the name of the condition she has? If you do, it might help to look it up on the internet, there can be some explanations there which can really help you understand what is happening, and why she is feeling the way she is. When a friend of mine died of cancer last year, in the run up to it i looked up the exact details of his condition and it helped me feel more a part of what was happening instead of someone just stood on the outside watching things take place. As for your family, grief affects everyone differently, you should know that they arent upset or shouting because of you, or anything that you have done. When people are grieving, thoughts and emotions are often heightened and sometimes we are unsure how to be helpful because we do not know what to say or do. Looking after someone who is ill is exhausting work. The primary and most important thing to do is to show that you care by being present and by listening and supporting where ever you can - this will mean alot, even if they do not show it. A lot of towns and cities offer bereavement services to help you deal with you feelings. It seems that everone else is going through the same emotional rollercoaster as you are, and therefore unable to help you through them. In times like these, outside services can really help, because they can look after you as a person, they cant stop what is going to happen happening, but they can help you get through it in a more constructive and possitive way. I know it is tough, but you can get through it - trust me. Come and PM me any time you like, im not hard to find, and i am always here if you want someone to talk to Good Luck, and best wishes. x Hey Pink, I'm really sorry about your uncle... and of course Mandi and your gran... so many people are sick and dying.... it's a bit scary really. And Pink, the reason I posted my stroy here in the first place is to get outside help... and everyone has been so nice to me and everything and I really appreciate it. I know my mum isn't cross with me, but I get really worried that I'll do something wrong that will make the situation worse for her... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarah_loves_mika Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Hey Pink, I'm really sorry about your uncle... and of course Mandi and your gran... so many people are sick and dying.... it's a bit scary really. And Pink, the reason I posted my stroy here in the first place is to get outside help... and everyone has been so nice to me and everything and I really appreciate it. I know my mum isn't cross with me, but I get really worried that I'll do something wrong that will make the situation worse for her... Heyyyy, we haven't spoken in ages have we? When my auntie died 5 years back, i never spoke to anybody, partly because i didnt want to upset my mum any more - it's hard seeing your mum go through a loss especially because she's supposed to stay strong for you. Its only literally this month that im going to talk to someone about it, it might be the cause of some problems ive had. But honestly, PM if you ever want to talk about anything to me. There's a lot of good websites out there. I only know winstonswish.org.uk off the top of my head, it might seem at first like its for younger kids, but a lot of teenagers go on there too. you can talk to other people who have had similar experiences - either going through or have gone through someone being unwell. i hope you feel ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparkly1 Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Sending hugs It is such a hard time for you all. Nobody wants to say goodbye, of course, but in one sense it is a time you can treasure, if it was sudden you wouldn't have that chance. Talk to your gran about things she did when she was your age, see if she will look at old pictures with you, maybe make some videos or recordings of her voice. If you talk about it together, how special she is and how you want to always remember her as special, she might be more willing to do that with you. And MFC is a warm and wonderful place, people here to listen 24/7. So sorry hun, I liked Bluesky's suggestions above because you gran must be a very scared old lady to have this looming over her, so I guess if you can help take her mind of it you will be doing her a great favour and it will be a comfort to know someone who cares about her deeply is near her and spending time with her so she wont be alone. It's going to be a hard time ahead hun but... there is no way out of it so we have to try to deal with it as best as we can. I'm glad you at least have a whole bunch of people here at MFC you can sound off to if it gets too much. *hugs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hmitts Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 i'm so sorry about your grandmother. it's okay to talk about it, no need to apologize. i hope everything turns alright in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkunicorn123 Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Hey Pink, I'm really sorry about your uncle... and of course Mandi and your gran... so many people are sick and dying.... it's a bit scary really. And Pink, the reason I posted my stroy here in the first place is to get outside help... and everyone has been so nice to me and everything and I really appreciate it. I know my mum isn't cross with me, but I get really worried that I'll do something wrong that will make the situation worse for her... I was talking about something more professional - as loving as the mfc can be, most of the time, we have no idea what we are talking about As i said, the offer is still open if you want me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkunicorn123 Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 Hey - Just stopping by to see how you are as it keeps on error coding when i try to send you a PM. How have things been today? More importantly - how are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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