Tone on the Mfc

[FREDDIESDOUBLE]

The MFC if we like it or not is very different to what we had say middle of last year it was a lot more friendly .. I had one or two people leave for personnel reasons but generally people stayed.

 

Now I get regular long time members leaving with comments that theyve been attacked or bullied or bad comments have been made , now this is long term members if have been around and can state the change and the effect its had .....

 

I see that some people seem to like a good argument or to be bitchy , it stands out a mile on a day to day basis

 

If people are leaving and we feel its down to a bad culture then we will have no option but to start modding and looking at the MFC differently .

 

The style has been to let arguments run and people sort things out themselves.

 

The bottom line is many have and are leaving as we are developing a bad culture in places ..

[pinkunicorn123]

Thank you, but I know for a fact that some people don't agree. That's why I say that readers have to take some responsibility for how they respond to a post and not necessarily place the blame on the writer if they are offended or misunderstand.

 

If we wrote our posts with the intention of pleasing 8000 people there would be nothing here but "Mika is perfect. Have a nice day."

 

 

 

I think it's worth discussing but every time a thread like this comes up it usually makes vague references to incidents most people are unaware of so not much comes out of it. I don't know what we're really talking about here and I didn't understand what Melanie was talking about when she started a similar thread a few weeks ago.

 

I think we have to talk specifics if we're going to get anywhere but that's probably going to lead to a lot of finger pointing and possibly make matters worse.

 

I dont think even saying that would please some, we have had hundreds of posts about how Mica isnt perfect.

 

And this thread is not directed towards any specific incidents, more a collection of events which would seem somewhat meaningless ito most f they were on their own. But ignorance never settles a question.

If we are all aware that this IS happening, then we might give more consideration to our reactions, our phrasing and the way we come across in general.

[babspanky]

Isnt that the same as saying it though?

By mentioning exactly what you thought you would say?

 

See i thought i would reply that i hoped people would get down off of their high horses for the sakes of this discussion, but that obviously that is not to be the case and that some members on here are being very anal and set in their ways and should really grow up.

 

But ofcourse im not going to say that

 

Thanks PU. Who said we should rise above it?

The way I responded reflects my personality and is the way I would react in real life. I hope I have had enough interaction with Petra for her to know that I am joking.

 

And are you implying that I am on my high horse , anal and should grow up?

If so, I don't think I deserved that, frankly.

[Christine]

however, there was the Big Boredom after Christmas shortly before the US-gigs started. Silly threads were created and people were obviously happy to post on everything that came up their mind. It got often negative, dirtier, often unfriendly, inappropriate and sometimes hateful - but that's my opinion.

 

The next few months are going to be pretty trying with Mika out of sight. I don't want the board to die but at the same time it's probably best to take a break and not post here as much because it leads to that kind of thing.

[Yoppappop]

And are you implying that I am on my high horse , anal and should grow up?

If so, I don't think I deserved that, frankly.

 

and we're the meanies after that :sneaky2:

 

as considered as a meany, i don't think i EVER said something like that (on here )

[Petra]

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality and there is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste.

 

But i dont know where it has come from either which is why i thought we should open up the table for discussion and nip whatever this is in the bud before we become officially official, and before more newbies walk into this unwelcome environment.

Well said

 

Hm... maybe..., and that is just a random thought, it might all be related to the fact that we are all getting to know each other better and better? The forums are becoming real and this is probably something that most of us have not thought about when they entered (if they all had some might have probably chosen different usernames Not everyone expected to be bound to being called "TheunderscorebestunderscoreMIKAfanunderscoreofunderscoreall" for the rest of his life ). I mean - people meet at gigs, talk via PM or email, are on MySpace and on MSN/AIM/ICQ/facebook and everything has gotten so real! And the only thing we have in common is that we love Mika. We cannot expect to like everyone here and that is something that seems to sink in at the moment. So maybe I met TheunderscorebestunderscoreMIKAfanunderscoreofunderscoreall at the Brixton gig and noticed that he/she is absolutely NOT what I expected although I had always been "friends" with her (or him) on the forums. And then I probably start looking at her posts a different way and things start going their way. Hm.

[FREDDIESDOUBLE]

One more thing .. opinions are good .... "Mika is all shiny and bright" is not always the right thing to say , we will be going official for a reason and thats due to the opinions we say

 

My concern is the number of people that done like it now , saying its changed so much .. and it is .. we need to be careful

[Yoppappop]

My concern is the number of people that done like it now , saying its changed so much .. and it is .. we need to be careful

 

i don't get that part ? but i liked the 1st part of your post...

[suzie]

The MFC if we like it or not is very different to what we had say middle of last year it was a lot more friendly .. I had one or two people leave for personnel reasons but generally people stayed.

 

Now I get regular long time members leaving with comments that theyve been attacked or bullied or bad comments have been made , now this is long term members if have been around and can state the change and the effect its had .....

 

I see that some people seem to like a good argument or to be bitchy , it stands out a mile on a day to day basis

 

If people are leaving and we feel its down to a bad culture then we will have no option but to start modding and looking at the MFC differently .

 

The style has been to let arguments run and people sort things out themselves.

 

The bottom line is many have and are leaving as we are developing a bad culture in places ..

 

:shocked:

 

This is the first time I am reading about this, and I think the only way we can stop it happening is that we start talk specifics, as Christine suggested, and instead of finding the ones to blame, make some learnings, especially for the mods..

[FREDDIESDOUBLE]

i don't get that part ? but i liked the 1st part of your post...

 

sorry done = dont

 

People are walking as they dont like it , they are being attacked and they have been here since the start .....

[Diana]

If people are leaving and we feel its down to a bad culture then we will have no option but to start modding and looking at the MFC differently .

 

It seems that's the only choice.

 

It really saddens me that people are leaving because of the atmosphere.

I'm personally used to very hostile atmospheres because that's generally accepted on the other boards I post on.

I always prided myself in the fact that the MFC is different so it's not nice to hear what direction we're heading to.

 

From what I can see, the hostility on this board is still very tame but compared to how it used to be.. I can see why people are having issues with it.

 

When newbies are concerned, let's not forget we were all newbies too once.

The best way to treat others is in the way you'd like to be treated yourself.

Give em a chance babies.

[FREDDIESDOUBLE]

:shocked:

 

This is the first time I am reading about this, and I think the only way we can stop it happening is that we start talk specifics, as Christine suggested, and instead of finding the ones to blame, make some learnings, especially for the mods..

 

I would like to know specifics as well ......

 

Im not going to list names , but I know the MFC

 

If you just look at how many regulars dont post now that will give an idea ...... they have walked .., this is happening daily now ...

[Yoppappop]

sorry done = dont

 

People are walking as they dont like it , they are being attacked and they have been here since the start .....

 

are you saying that the "bad mood" everyone seem to notice has had some old members leaving ?? just to be sure i got it...

[pinkunicorn123]

Thanks PU. Who said we should rise above it?

The way I responded reflects my personality and is the way I would react in real life. I hope I have had enough interaction with Petra for her to know that I am joking.

 

And are you implying that I am on my high horse , anal and should grow up?

If so, I don't think I deserved that, frankly.

 

If you noticed, i said that it was something i WOULDN'T say.

From the content of Petra's messages on here, i wouldnt have thought she took your comment in that way at all - now obviously i can't speak for her, but it is posts like your initial one that leads to that opinion, and threads like this. And if you think that THAT is humourous, then yes, my suggested comments apply through and through.

[Sarah_loves_mika]

I'm only offering what i have to say, because i have a bit of experience in what i think youre talking about.

(though forgive me, if i have misunderstood what your point is pink..... )

 

I have many times (not just on the MFC) taken what people say the wrong way over the internet, because it is just so hard to tell wether somebody is being sarcastic, rude or just having a bit of a joke.

 

There's lots of different personalities out there, and i'll tend to say/write things and then after its posted think "why the hell did i do that?" (apparently, its called to shoot first and ask questions later) thank goodness for the delete button on the internet - but i'm learning because in reality theres no delete button and i could hurt someone one day.

 

 

But you know, when you say/do something to Mrs X, and then later Mrs Y does the same thing to you and you find out that it hurts and you didnt realise how much you might have hurt Mrs X?? ( i hope that makes sense!) well that kind of happened with me the other day.

 

its all sorted now though - i'm not normally awful like that, sometimes i just get a bit defensive of myself, you know, because of things that may have happened in the past in my personal life, if i feel like someone is personally attacking me (which they definately werent, it was a good example of the misunderstandings that you are talking about) - i launch into defense mode which is definately a flaw of mine.

 

 

Ive only detected a nasty tone personally towards me the once, and this wasnt a misunderstanding because theyve done it to other people too and it was very innapropriate (theyre a fairly new person i think, so they might not really understand the rules of posting) but i can let that go, because i just want for everyone to get along!

 

I only rarely post in other threads now. I just like the friendly, chilled out atmosphere in the British thread, Younglings or the Bar because i feel like you dont have to be in on all the private jokes, or have "been there" kind of thing (which is what im like in real life too, i just kind of float about from one group to another, i just like being relaxed).

But the point of me saying that was, because i know my flaws, i try now not to get in on the heated debate threads - theyre just not made for some people!

 

Im outta here! Be at peace everyone!

[dcdeb]

 

I agree no bullying, but I don't want my every word to be 'policed' either, or feel that I can't say what I want within reason, which is kind of how I'm feeling with this thread.

We can't all be sunshine and light everyday.

 

And that's the balance that we all have to strike -- the balance between

being too sarcastic and potential bullies, and being sickly sweet all the

time.

 

I agree with Yop. I think in most cases the onus is on the reader to take someone else's post in stride and not get all bent out of shape and defensive about it.

 

This is true to a point -- I learned a long time ago from another forum

that I can choose to be offended or not by something that is

written. I'm the one in control of how I feel about something, how I

react to something. But you have to admit, that sometimes

emotion rules, and gets the better of you!

 

 

I know about some people who more or less stopped posting and going online because of different things that are going on around here. I stopped posting as well but I started again on Friday (after three weeks of absence or so) because I had a thread to make. It seems that the general atmosphere on the forums has become negative - it was horrible there when I left (which was the reason why I left) and I thought that it had gotten a slight bit better now but I'm not sure if this thought was correct. Hm.

 

I'm really surprised to read this -- because to me, this place has been

amazing lately, with all the wondrous reports of Mika's shows, all the

sharing of photos and videos and personal experiences... I guess

I was so busy focusing on the positive stuff that I was oblivious to

the "negative atmosphere." Seriously, not being sarcastic here --

HAS it been so awful? Because I really have not noticed that at ALL!

 

And just to play devil's advocate a bit -- I know of some people

who have left here because they feel they have been TOO censored.

They don't like having to play by the "play nice" rules we have here...

So it's starting to sound like we can't please everyone... which really

is no surprise to me...

 

The next few months are going to be pretty trying with Mika out of sight. I don't want the board to die but at the same time it's probably best to take a break and not post here as much because it leads to that kind of thing.

 

:eek: Mika's only been done with touring for

a weekend, and we have a thread like this already!

 

To be honest, I was away a lot of the weekend, so I don't know which

thread sparked this debate.

 

But also to be honest, I don't see why this subject

needs its own thread. Why not

PM the moderators when an issue arises, instead of posting something

like this and effectively punishing the whole class, like a teacher does

when someone shoots spitballs and no one confesses?

 

All this does is get the whole forum stirred up.

 

I'd like to know specifics myself -- what was said, when and who said it.

But I'd like it in a PM, not here in the thread... because I'd like the

chance to try to act as a mediator and figure out what needs to be

done.

 

dcdeb

[babspanky]

If you noticed, i said that it was something i WOULDN'T say.

From the content of Petra's messages on here, i wouldnt have thought she took your comment in that way at all - now obviously i can't speak for her, but it is posts like your initial one that leads to that opinion, and threads like this. And if you think that THAT is humourous, then yes, my suggested comments apply through and through.

 

You know what? It's threads like this, and answers like that , that make me feel like not posting again.

Is this thread supposed to be pouring oil on troubled waters? Because it's doing the opposite for me.

[Sarah_loves_mika]

You know what? It's threads like this, and answers like that , that make me feel like not posting again.

Is this thread supposed to be pouring oil on troubled waters? Because it's doing the opposite for me.

 

 

Please carnt we all just get along??!

 

I've already lost EnFa, i dont wanna lose anyone else!!! Especially not babs!!!!

[pinkunicorn123]

I'm only offering what i have to say, because i have a bit of experience in what i think youre talking about.

(though forgive me, if i have misunderstood what your point is pink..... )

 

I have many times (not just on the MFC) taken what people say the wrong way over the internet, because it is just so hard to tell wether somebody is being sarcastic, rude or just having a bit of a joke.

 

There's lots of different personalities out there, and i'll tend to say/write things and then after its posted think "why the hell did i do that?" (apparently, its called to shoot first and ask questions later) thank goodness for the delete button on the internet - but i'm learning because in reality theres no delete button and i could hurt someone one day.

 

 

But you know, when you say/do something to Mrs X, and then later Mrs Y does the same thing to you and you find out that it hurts and you didnt realise how much you might have hurt Mrs X?? ( i hope that makes sense!) well that kind of happened with me the other day.

 

its all sorted now though - i'm not normally awful like that, sometimes i just get a bit defensive of myself, you know, because of things that may have happened in the past in my personal life, if i feel like someone is personally attacking me (which they definately werent, it was a good example of the misunderstandings that you are talking about) - i launch into defense mode which is definately a flaw of mine.

 

 

Ive only detected a nasty tone personally towards me the once, and this wasnt a misunderstanding because theyve done it to other people too and it was very innapropriate (theyre a fairly new person i think, so they might not really understand the rules of posting) but i can let that go, because i just want for everyone to get along!

 

I only rarely post in other threads now. I just like the friendly, chilled out atmosphere in the British thread, Younglings or the Bar because i feel like you dont have to be in on all the private jokes, or have "been there" kind of thing (which is what im like in real life too, i just kind of float about from one group to another, i just like being relaxed).

But the point of me saying that was, because i know my flaws, i try now not to get in on the heated debate threads - theyre just not made for some people!

 

Im outta here! Be at peace everyone!

 

Its the defensive posts that make things like this escalate (sp?)

[Christine]

One more thing .. opinions are good .... "Mika is all shiny and bright" is not always the right thing to say , we will be going official for a reason and thats due to the opinions we say

 

My concern is the number of people that done like it now , saying its changed so much .. and it is .. we need to be careful

 

What about some kind of mission statement? An overall direction for the forums to take so we can all have some idea of what we think would be an ideal environment at MFC? And maybe some of the structure we talked about earlier with a sub forum for the music so that some of this idle talk can be channeled in another direction and people have a place to discuss Mika's work without getting caught up in a lot of other nonsense that they don't care for.

 

I'm finding it a bit difficult to work within the vague parameters of not being "too aggressive" or "argumentative" or whatever except to just shut up and not say anything. There have been a lot of complaints that the forum has changed and it's too negative and aggressive but it would be helpful to know exactly what we're talking about here because I don't really see it.

 

I mean not on such a regular basis that it's intolerable. Flareups on a forum with thousands of people are inevitable and it's a bit unrealistic to expect things to go back to January 2007. Deano has been actively recruiting new members for months and things will explode once Mika starts touting MFC as his fan club. It's never going to be the way it was but I don't think the changes necessarily make MFC a negative and unfriendly place.

[FREDDIESDOUBLE]

are you saying that the "bad mood" everyone seem to notice has had some old members leaving ?? just to be sure i got it...

 

Yes that would be my opinion ... A fiery forum is fine ...

 

Critism makes people grow and that includes friends , groups , forums or whatever

 

BUT ... I have seen a massive increase in people not posting and Ive asked why to the reply ... its just not friendly and I get attacked .. and these are people that were here from the start...

[pinkunicorn123]

You know what? It's threads like this, and answers like that , that make me feel like not posting again.

Is this thread supposed to be pouring oil on troubled waters? Because it's doing the opposite for me.

 

Well, you have had the misfortune to meet me, is it not obvious that i would never do anything to upset another member.

What i was ACTUALLY doing was using the example your created for me.

You first post on this thread was what this thread is about, i reacted in the way in which i have seen reactions on here.

What i said was in jest, you didnt read it that way - my point exactly, no?

 

This thread is to give people some food for thought so that they might think twice before they react, so that ignorance cannot be blamed for short fuses or misread banter.

[Sarah_loves_mika]

Its the defensive posts that make things like this escalate (sp?)

 

Well, sometimes it is, depends what kind of defensive.

 

I just want to say that, i've already lost EnFa off here, and she was one of my bestest friends on here, i dont want anyone else to get annoyed and leave.

[Oakie Doke]

*insert smilie to express that this post is meant as no form of attack on anyone, and is simply my version of ramble on topics expressed*

 

Holy Guacamole! (*has no idea how that is spelt*)

What an essay! You totally researched and everything!

 

I get what your saying, woah for the research, didn't realise that much of communication was on other factors, but most/all of the time when things come across wrong it's not on purpose, because you can't imagine other people reading it in any way other than how you wrote it. I am a bit of an emote addict, and I hate when I've MQ'ed too much and have to go through and delete ones where I'd really prefer they stayed. They can make so much difference.

 

Eg. In Aussie thread the other day someone joked they were going to do something stupid, then someone replied "I forgive you this once :wink2:" and I thought "woah, she was only joking" (but didn't say anything, because I have a natural affinity to avoid any kind of conflict anywhere in my life, and i prefer to just ignore stuff ), the first person said "I was joking", and then the second person said "Oh me too, I should have used , not :wink2:". The smilie totally changes the meaning of the sentence, huh?

 

Another eg. In your thread about going to London, I said something about you whinging, meant it as a joke, but forgot to add a or , then you replied kind of defencive, minus any smilies, and then I couldn't tell if you were joking and had forgotten to add smilies or not, and so just did "my thing" of ignoring it and not getting into anything ... plus there was already like 2 pages of replies

 

but i think if you had trouble with someone in the mfc, you must ingore that person... and if they want to fight, they don`t have to do it here, maybe by chat or something private

 

See, this is the way I work basically every where in my life. I don't like when people fight, I don't like fighting, so I just don't

 

Actually refers to the phrase 'through rose-tinted specticles' meaning that if someone is "seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses," it means that they always look on the bright side of life and are generally happy people. These are your friendly, cheery folks that sometimes you just can't not like. They seem to radiate something beautiful at all times.

E.g. The media say mika is gay and camp, we say he is open and colourful

This is not how we use it, we use it to generally mean sarcasm or the previous words were in jest.

 

Lol, I never knew that. I just sort of see them as "cool-ish person, smug-ish face" - which can mean "I'm cool" or "I'm joking". (Yeah, I'm feeling rather illiterate at the moment, so I'm gonna have to stick with 'cool') Errr ... what I'm saying is that it doesn't always mean sarcastic, but when placed after a serious sentence, then it does.

 

Uuum, there was something else I was gonna say, forgot to MQ - but about people "ganging up" when someone voices something different. I don't really see it as ganging up, that first person voiced their opinion, and then a bunch of other people voice their opinion in response, it just happens that the first one had a unique one that not many others shared. What are they supposed to say .. "Yeah, I agree that Mika's left nostril is mmore elongate than the other"

I dunno, I'm thinking of in the BC gig thread as an eg, when someone said that Mika's violence scares them, and then a bunch of people (me inc.) gave their opinions of why it doesn't scare them, and it makes them like him more. I dunno if that's the "ganging up" you speak of, but I don't really see it as that.

 

Oh yeah, and language barrier. When I'm writing to my MM partner I conciously think "better not use that slang word, she probably doesnt know what it means", etc, but in the forum ... I just ... type. I didn't even think about it in this post ... *looks guilty*

 

And welcome 4once!

 

OG, I just opened another window to get that name and see three pages have been added since I started writing ... *sigh*

 

Eurgh, too many smilies - see, and now my tone will be all screwed up!

*is now replacing all :bleh :'s with 's*

[pinkunicorn123]

What about some kind of mission statement? An overall direction for the forums to take so we can all have some idea of what we think would be an ideal environment at MFC? And maybe some of the structure we talked about earlier with a sub forum for the music so that some of this idle talk can be channeled in another direction and people have a place to discuss Mika's work without getting caught up in a lot of other nonsense that they don't care for.

 

I'm finding it a bit difficult to work within the vague parameters of not being "too aggressive" or "argumentative" or whatever except to just shut up and not say anything. There have been a lot of complaints that the forum has changed and it's too negative and aggressive but it would be helpful to know exactly what we're talking about here because I don't really see it.

 

I mean not on such a regular basis that it's intolerable. Flareups on a forum with thousands of people are inevitable and it's a bit unrealistic to expect things to go back to January 2007. Deano has been actively recruiting new members for months and things will explode once Mika starts touting MFC as his fan club. It's never going to be the way it was but I don't think the changes necessarily make MFC a negative and unfriendly place.

 

Finally someone sees sense - thank you Christine, as always.