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The Australian Thread: Part Nineteen


Rainbow Sky

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I start back at uni tomorrow :shocked: How scary.

 

So today I did a trip to Big W and picked up things I need to organise my lecture notes and all (I got document folders, in yellow red and purple, and put an A5 size 64 page notebook in there, and a A4 size pad of paper, as well as a small pad of paper)

 

Now the only thing I need is textbooks (which I'll get eventually, since can't do philosophy well without the set readings)

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Oooo !!! Back to school shopping !! :clap: That always used to be fun ... well, when you're fresh after a holiday ... not so fun when amid exams ... :blink:

Back to school shopping is fun, and seeing people again is fun. And exams, I shouldn't have to worry about just yet :wink2:

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I could email this to you all, but I thought here would be funny.

 

These questions about Australia are from potential visitors.

They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour. Written beside each question is the country the moron who asked the question comes from. *zhhz*

__________________________________________________

 

Q. Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).

 

A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

__________________________________________________

 

Q. Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

 

A. Depends how much you've been drinking.

__________________________________________________

 

Q. I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks (Sweden)?

 

A. Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

 

__________________________________________________

 

Q. Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

 

A. What did your last slave die of?

 

__________________________________________________

 

Q. Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

 

A. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

 

__________________________________________________

 

Q. Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

 

A. Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

 

_________________________________________________

 

Q. Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

 

A. Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

 

__________________________________________________

 

Q. Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

 

A. Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

 

__________________________________________________

 

Q. Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

 

A. You are a British politician, right?

 

_________________________________________________

 

Q. Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

 

A. No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.

Milk is illegal.

 

__________________________________________________

 

Q. Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

 

A. Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

 

________________________________________________

 

Q. I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

 

A. It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

 

__________________________________________________

 

Q. I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

 

A. Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

 

__________________________________________________

 

Q. Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

 

A. Yes, gay night clubs.

 

__________________________________________________

 

Q. Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

 

A. Only at Christmas.

 

__________________________________________________

 

Q. I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)

 

A. Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

 

__________________________________________________

 

Q. Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

 

A. Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

 

__________________________________________________

 

 

I can't believe they didn't mention vegemite for the drop bears, but :lmfao: anyway

 

that was origianlly a south african thing. some idiot rewrote it :roftl:

Edited by racinghorse83
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You secretly wanted to know about the hippo racing, right? :naughty:

 

 

 

But of course!:blush-anim-cl:

 

 

 

I definitely go to this thread for my education, and so far:

-You have spiders indoors and you are nice to them!

-Drop bears are cute and you can pet them if you have a can of Vegemite to let them lick from!

-Terry Pratchett is worth reading, I’ve only seen some films up till now…:wink2:

 

 

In spite of the size of your country and only a fast visit from Mr Curly, which usually is the reason to travel and meet other MFCers, you seem to know each other quite well!:wub2:

 

 

that was origianlly a south african thing. some idiot rewrote it :roftl:

 

I think the original was Swedish; they just changed the polar bears we have walking in the streets to kangaroos!:naughty:

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ER BE JEALOUS!!!!!!! :shocked:

 

Chris Martin talked to my friend from stage!!!!! :shocked:

 

Okay, so she fainted and missed half the show, but he asked her if she was okay! Obviously making it totally worth it!

 

I peed myself laughing when she said she fainted. That is so something she would do. And by that I mean she leaves her house once every 3 or 4 months, and generally under the cover of darkness or shade or something :naughty: And her first ever concert was Coldplay at Challenge stadium, in general admission, I didn't expect it to go well :naughty:

 

Well, yeah, here's my trademark blatant private msn conversation sharing:

 

Leah says:

u see what i wrote about my concert?

Bianca says:

nope

Bianca says:

where si it?

Leah says:

went to the coldplay concery

Leah says:

concert*

Bianca says:

i know

Leah says:

half way through i fainted

Leah says:

sucked so badly

Bianca says:

hahahahahahaha

Bianca says:

omg

Leah says:

couldnt breathe so i was panicing

Bianca says:

where were you?

Leah says:

then grey went over my eyes then i woke up on the floor

Leah says:

4th from the stage

Bianca says:

ohhhhhhhhhh sucks!

Leah says:

the singer asked what happened to me

Bianca says:

OMFG ARE YOU SERIOUS??????????????????????/

Leah says:

so i was carried out by st john ambulance

Bianca says:

chris martin spoke to you from the stage?????????

Leah says:

anthony caught me, he said my eyes were open the entire time and i has shaking like i was having a fit

Bianca says:

oh that sucks hahaha

Leah says:

lol yeah he looked at me as i was being carried passed and asked what happeneed

Bianca says:

so no one else was fainting?

Leah says:

there was 1 more after me

Leah says:

and another girl was carried out by 2 security

Leah says:

lol its just too hot

Bianca says:

did you see the rest of the show?

Leah says:

and my feet and back were hurting so badly,a nd i hadnt eaten for about 8 hours

Leah says:

yeah i sat with the medics and watched the rest

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Hi & bye everyone ....is mum's birthday so I must be off but just wanted to say hello!

 

OKD: yes I do like Vampire Weekend....I finally looked at my e-mails

 

*gropes Kelzy*

 

 

 

 

TANYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

:mf_lustslow: :mf_lustslow: :mf_lustslow: :mf_lustslow:

 

*grabs and handcuffs to internet*

 

Say happy birthday to your ma from me!!! :wub2::yay:

 

Come back soon! :shocked:

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*is not going to MQ* :cheerful_h4h:

Hello All!!

 

StuckZ - there's no hot guys anywhere here :no: Can you pack some in a suitcase and ship them over??

Ok, so, there are some. They're all in Melbourne on trams and 13 years too young for me. :naughty: *points to Bec/Twat/Teegs/Zoe powerade bottle episode*

 

Teegs! The poster is black and white on both sides and looks like this:

http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k227/RWPRWP/U2/IMGP2192.jpg

http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k227/RWPRWP/U2/IMGP2193.jpg

Silver: Drop Bears.

 

Sienna: We've had nothing else to do but to get to know each other. :naughty:

 

OKD: Cool!! Passing out at concerts has its rewards. *has done it before*

 

Tan!! *gropes* *rubs your leg better*

Edited by Kelzy
forgot to link pics *doh* *nawty*
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Hi all!

Haven't been on for a few days. How's you all?

I probably should be doing my homework, but 'sif that's gonna happen...

I'm celebrating, cos I got into the musical I tried out for! (so what if it's only a chorus part... I didn't really want to be the perverse old lady anyways...lol)

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Okay, a small development in the :das: arena today.

 

In English extension (where I had another perfect opportunity, but wimped out yet again) we were sitting there listening to the teacher and writing some things down. And he rested his foot against mine, and left it there for about half the lesson. And he must have known that it was my foot because I was the only one sitting across the table! :shocked::biggrin2:

 

But then I tried to catch his eye but he wouldn't look up from his book! :thumbdown:

 

I know it's a rather small accomplishment. But at least it's something! :naughty:

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*is not going to MQ* :cheerful_h4h :

Hello All!!

 

StuckZ - there's no hot guys anywhere here :no : Can you pack some in a suitcase and ship them over??

Ok, so, there are some. They're all in Melbourne on trams and 13 years too young for me. :naughty : *points to Bec/Twat/Teegs/Zoe powerade bottle episode*

 

Teegs! The poster is black and white on both sides and looks like this:

http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k227/RWPRWP/U2/IMGP2192.jpg

http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k227/RWPRWP/U2/IMGP2193.jpg

Silver: Drop Bears.

 

Sienna: We've had nothing else to do but to get to know each other. :naughty :

 

OKD: Cool!! Passing out at concerts has its rewards. *has done it before*

 

Tan!! *gropes* *rubs your leg better*

:shocked: There SO ARE hot guys here !! AND in various age ranges ... :das: ... (more about that later)

Hi all!

Haven't been on for a few days. How's you all?

I probably should be doing my homework, but 'sif that's gonna happen...

I'm celebrating, cos I got into the musical I tried out for! (so what if it's only a chorus part... I didn't really want to be the perverse old lady anyways...lol)

WOOHOO !!! CONGRATS !!! CHORUS IS AWESOME !! I've done it ... I learnt so much !!!

Okay, a small development in the :das : arena today.

 

In English extension (where I had another perfect opportunity, but wimped out yet again) we were sitting there listening to the teacher and writing some things down. And he rested his foot against mine, and left it there for about half the lesson. And he must have known that it was my foot because I was the only one sitting across the table! :shocked::biggrin2:

 

But then I tried to catch his eye but he wouldn't look up from his book! :thumbdown:

 

I know it's a rather small accomplishment. But at least it's something! :naughty:

ZOMG !! This is defo. a sign !!! :boing:

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-Drop bears are cute and you can pet them if you have a can of Vegemite to let them lick from!

 

 

In spite of the size of your country and only a fast visit from Mr Curly, which usually is the reason to travel and meet other MFCers, you seem to know each other quite well!:wub2:

 

 

 

Oh no.. drop bears may look cute, but their not, and you can never pet them. The vegemite is to keep them away (drop bears hate vegemite... we aussies don't get attacked because most of us were brought up on the stuff and so its in our blood). Its kind of like drop bear repellant.

 

And vegemite in a tin could work, if you rip it out fast enough...

 

But your better off just applying some to your skin :fisch:

 

 

And we do *pbs*. I think we find our own reasons to travel. There's been other concerts, general site seeing/holidaying, and christmas, as well as just general "I'll be in town today, whose up for something" meet ups

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ER BE JEALOUS!!!!!!!

 

Chris Martin talked to my friend from stage!!!!!

 

Okay, so she fainted and missed half the show, but he asked her if she was okay! Obviously making it totally worth it!

 

I peed myself laughing when she said she fainted. That is so something she would do. And by that I mean she leaves her house once every 3 or 4 months, and generally under the cover of darkness or shade or something :naughty: And her first ever concert was Coldplay at Challenge stadium, in general admission, I didn't expect it to go well

 

:shocked: Awesome! But fainting is scary. I never have actually fainted but I almost have a couple of times and it's so disorientating. My eyes go all blurry and get these sort of blue sparkles. :naughty:

 

:shocked: There SO ARE hot guys here !! AND in various age ranges ... (more about that later)

 

ZOMG !! This is defo. a sign !!! :boing:

 

That's true. When I was in Melbourne I saw a lot of good looking musician/artistic guys (the best sort) at the music performances on Saturday. :naughty:

 

I hope so. :biggrin2:

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:shocked : Awesome! But fainting is scary. I never have actually fainted but I almost have a couple of times and it's so disorientating. My eyes go all blurry and get these sort of blue sparkles. :naughty:

 

 

 

That's true. When I was in Melbourne I saw a lot of good looking musician/artistic guys (the best sort) at the music performances on Saturday. :naughty:

 

I hope so. :biggrin2:

Yep SD !! I was also thinking ... hmmm ... musician/artists ... & sometimes, non-bogan surfers .... they love nature & dawn ... some even read books !!! :roftl:

MMmmmm ... gotta love an interesting,intelligent schmexy surfer ... :das::naughty:

 

EDIT: Having said that ... I've always fallen for the artistic types ... *blush* ... & now I've found one that ALSO surfs !!! :roftl:

Edited by happikali
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:roftl :

There are good looking guys here.. I was just trying to get StuckZ off the scent. More for us.. :das::wink2:

 

:roftl: Hahahahahaah !!!

I mentioned earlier .... 'more about that later' ...... :naughty:

 

 

I have a friend .... who is a guy ... who in my mind is absolutely beautiful ... (including good looking :wink2: ) ....

 

........ want more info ... ??? :naughty::das:

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I'm celebrating, cos I got into the musical I tried out for! (so what if it's only a chorus part... I didn't really want to be the perverse old lady anyways...lol)

 

YAY!

 

Okay, a small development in the :das: arena today.

 

In English extension (where I had another perfect opportunity, but wimped out yet again) we were sitting there listening to the teacher and writing some things down. And he rested his foot against mine, and left it there for about half the lesson. And he must have known that it was my foot because I was the only one sitting across the table!

 

But then I tried to catch his eye but he wouldn't look up from his book!

 

I know it's a rather small accomplishment. But at least it's something!

 

Footsies, huh? :das: :das: :das:

 

And we do *pbs*. I think we find our own reasons to travel. There's been other concerts, general site seeing/holidaying, and christmas, as well as just general "I'll be in town today, whose up for something" meet ups

 

My favourite kind :naughty:

 

Awesome! But fainting is scary. I never have actually fainted but I almost have a couple of times and it's so disorientating. My eyes go all blurry and get these sort of blue sparkles.

 

I have some kind of fainting affliction, I can't stand still for long periods or I faint. I can only assume it evolved from a lifetime of never staying still for more than 0.01 seconds. I know how to get around it, a complex series of subtle movements, which can be put into practice in necessary-standing situations such as lines or concerts, but I still always get affected in situations where I would look like a ****ing retard if I moved at all. Like watching surgeries. Long surgeries. That is the worst, because then it appears as if I've fainted because of the blood and guts. But I love blood and guts. Something which it is near impossible to convince people of when you've just passed out :naughty:

 

That's true. When I was in Melbourne I saw a lot of good looking musician/artistic guys (the best sort) at the music performances on Saturday.

 

That's like what Fremantle is like. Walking around that town you have to keep checking your mouth is tightly sealed, not allowing any drool to escape. Fremantle is simply infested with hot artistic/musician types :naughty:

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Yep SD !! I was also thinking ... hmmm ... musician/artists ... & sometimes, non-bogan surfers .... they love nature & dawn ... some even read books !!! :roftl:

MMmmmm ... gotta love an interesting,intelligent schmexy surfer ... :das::naughty:

 

EDIT: Having said that ... I've always fallen for the artistic types ... *blush* ... & now I've found one that ALSO surfs !!! :roftl:

 

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!

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