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The Australian Thread: Part Nineteen


Rainbow Sky

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Talking of being mad - the following is very un-PC - I can only say it was sent to me by someone working in a hospital :wink2:

 

 

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

 

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

 

Please select from the following options menu:

 

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

 

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

 

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

 

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

 

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

 

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

 

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

 

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

 

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

 

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

 

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

 

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

 

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

 

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Talking of being mad - the following is very un-PC - I can only say it was sent to me by someone working in a hospital :wink2:

 

 

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

 

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

 

Please select from the following options menu:

 

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

 

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

 

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

 

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

 

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

 

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

 

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

 

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

 

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

 

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

 

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

 

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

 

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

 

 

Hilarious - yes, it's not PC - but it is really good.

My son was on phone from Uni - and I read it out to him. He was

in fits of laughter at the other end of the phone!!! :roftl:

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Hello my clever daughta!!!!! :sneaky2huglove:

Your smilies are cute!!

Helo Mumzy!! Thanks. :sneaky2::wub2:

I think they're a bit lame. I was using photoshop instead of my usual program. :naughty:

But isn't Lily managed by her father?

Any time you like :thumb_yello

Haha. No, IDTS. But, he smells apparently. Recent news:

"Lily Allen has jokingly laid into her tour manager for assuming he can join her in business class without her permission. The star (23) is currently in Australia as part of her world tour, and told Sydney's Nova radio station: ""I have wanted to tell him for ages that he smells. I thought it was bad cologne at first but now I know that it's a too-much-alcohol-not-enough-sleep-and-no-shower smell." According to the 'Mirror', Lily claimed she wanted to reserve the only other business class seat for her best worker: "I want to introduce a sort of employee of the week award where one of the band or a roadie can sit with me at my choosing," she said. "It would be someone who has excelled or needs a treat.""

 

And Yae!! *packs suitcase*

Thanks :naughty: I might make her look better today with my other program.

 

Talking of being mad - the following is very un-PC - I can only say it was sent to me by someone working in a hospital wink2:

 

 

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

 

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

 

Please select from the following options menu:

 

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

 

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

 

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

 

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

 

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

 

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

 

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

 

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

 

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

 

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

 

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

 

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

 

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

 

I love that joke!!

 

I had to feed the cats a can of tuna this morning, since dad forgot that I said we needed to get cat food. Ah well, they enjoyed their people tuna.

Spoilt! Mine get tuna, egg, ham and cheese when we have no catfood.

I have such a headache/tummy ache/woozy feeling/sore all over thing going on today. Kobiiiii (ummah) stalked me on MFC last night. She got a laptop yesterday and spent the hours of 1am to 4am bragging about it to me on MSN. (what a biatch :rolls_eyes: ) Apparently her mum got it for $100 off ebay. Even though I don't need more computers in this house, I want one.. It's just because I'm like that. *Z shaped clix*

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Spoilt! Mine get tuna, egg, ham and cheese when we have no catfood.

I have such a headache/tummy ache/woozy feeling/sore all over thing going on today. Kobiiiii (ummah) stalked me on MFC last night. She got a laptop yesterday and spent the hours of 1am to 4am bragging about it to me on MSN. (what a biatch :rolls_eyes: ) Apparently her mum got it for $100 off ebay. Even though I don't need more computers in this house, I want one.. It's just because I'm like that. *Z shaped clix*

 

 

Wow yours are even more spoilt. Though mine nearly did get bacon, but I wasn't going to cook it up for them.

 

Ick, hope you feel better later

 

And well done to Kobii on the bragging. She has dedication to keep it up until 4am. You should get a laptop :naughty:

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Wow yours are even more spoilt. Though mine nearly did get bacon, but I wasn't going to cook it up for them.

 

Ick, hope you feel better later

 

And well done to Kobii on the bragging. She has dedication to keep it up until 4am. You should get a laptop :naughty:

You don't have to cook the bacon up. Just throw little pieces up and watch them catch it on the way down. :naughty: And my furbabehs get lactose free milk everyday, since cats can't digest lactose.

How's my little black gurl?

Thanks. And I hope so too. I think it's the flu.

 

I know! She learnt off me.. She has webcam even. :sneaky2: I'll have to get one. Then I'd sit outside in the sun.

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Good eveningk dear. How be thee?

 

(And the guy next door is playing U2!!)

 

I think the double dose of anaesthetic they gave me for my teeth is messing with my head...I've gone through moods like Lindsay Lohan goes through sexual orientation today...:rolls_eyes:

 

 

EDIT: and your neighbour is awesome!! :punk:

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I guess just my usual luck then, I fear them with a passion!!!:naughty:

 

So do I and a few others... the ones we're talking about are big and hairy, but not deadly... the deadly ones seem to hide a a bit better...

 

I think you may find it's a bit longer than that

 

Probably... I'll see what the doctor thinks and tell work if he thinks a bit longer... I've said I'll be off from the 18th till the 29th, and the next weekend I'll be off to Bundanoon... then it's Easter... I don't know if I'll even be right for then...

 

All the time - you wouldn't believe how many different deadly spiders they have here

 

 

 

 

Which is most of the time as you have a lot of spiders

 

Huntsmans aren't deadly, they're just big and hairy and they're stalking me...

 

 

I don't think I've seen a red back or a funnel web here...

 

Talking of being mad - the following is very un-PC - I can only say it was sent to me by someone working in a hospital

 

 

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

 

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

 

Please select from the following options menu:

 

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

 

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

 

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

 

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

 

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

 

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

 

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

 

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

 

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

 

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

 

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.

 

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

 

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

 

 

:lmfao:

 

Love it!

 

(And the guy next door is playing U2!!)

 

Good taste... which album?

 

I think the double dose of anaesthetic they gave me for my teeth is messing with my head...I've gone through moods like Lindsay Lohan goes through sexual orientation today

 

You poor bugger... though :naughty: at the LiLo joke...

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Hello All !! :bye: (not MQing)

 

Lily Allen's dad is the comedian & actor Keith Allen ... & he's good too IMO , he played the Sherriff of Nottingham in the recent BBCTV series of Robin Hood . :thumb_yello:

 

sheriff1.jpg

 

I hope those of you who feel unwell feel better soon ...

 

Luckeeeee Cats ... :naughty:

 

I hope you don't worry about your op. too much Teegs, they're pretty good at that kind of thing these days ... :wub2:

 

Evenink Rosie ...

 

I'll be scarce for a while tonight, as I'm out to a friends for a farewell dinner ... but I'll be on laterrrgghhss ....

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You don't have to cook the bacon up. Just throw little pieces up and watch them catch it on the way down. :naughty: And my furbabehs get lactose free milk everyday, since cats can't digest lactose.

How's my little black gurl?

Thanks. And I hope so too. I think it's the flu.

 

I know! She learnt off me.. She has webcam even. :sneaky2: I'll have to get one. Then I'd sit outside in the sun.

 

 

But that requires effort to do that though :naughty:

 

She's good... Gun (the skanky cats) latest thing though is to move only 2 or 3, since she knows we don't approve of her moving them. She's a bitch like that, since only the ones she moves (and their always different) get fed.

 

I think the double dose of anaesthetic they gave me for my teeth is messing with my head...I've gone through moods like Lindsay Lohan goes through sexual orientation today...:rolls_eyes:

 

 

 

:lmfao:

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